Saturday, 26 September 2009

#22 - Immortal

So. Here's today's bumper (by my standards) edition of everyone's least favourite blog beginning with "Rossobianch". Mainly due to laziness of not writing one midweek. But enough of midweek already.

United continued winning ways with a comfy looking 2-0 win against Stoke City. Stoke, who like to combine ugly football with ugly footballers ([2] [3] [4]), weren't exactly full of attacking menace. At all. Ben Foster could have had an awful game but we really don't know.

The breakthroughs came when Ryan Giggs (pictured) came on for the disappointing Nani (sound familiar?). Giggs went on to add 2 assists to his 3 last week. The ones amongst you whose favourite Sesame Street character was the Count will know that this adds up to 5 assists in a row for the 20-ish year old left winger. Berbatov and John O'Shea the ones who managed to put it on the back of the net from that point onwards. Paul Scholes deserves special mention for having the ball so much in the match that I'm quite sure he brought his own separate one with him today.

With a surprise result of Wigan Athletic beating Chelsea 3-1. This puts us back up to the top of the table once more on goal difference. Or goals scored, depending which site you read.

But enough about today! Who cares about the present when there is the past? In our Carling Cup 3rd round tie against Wolves, it was an easy 1-0 thanks to Danny Welbeck's goal following a one-two with Michael Owen. Fabio da Silva was sent off early on but if you missed that bit and watched the match you would never realise this unless you were sad enough to count players. Or unless you were Dimitar Berbatov look-a-like Count von Count.. "nine players, ten players... AH AH AH!"

On top of that today was the 4th round draw of the Cheap Lager Cup and the reserves will be playing away to Barnsley.

Is that it? No! Of course there's more news..

One of our club's ambassadors, Bryan Robson has decided to take his not-so-brilliant-as-he-was-a-player management skills to Thailand. Presumably because it's so far away and no one from home will ever watch it.

If in the blue half of Manchester they're using their billions to create a time machine to go back to last weekend just to bitch, moan and be bitter about it then maybe here's something to get them thinking. They will complain of corruption, crazy conspiracies, and black helicopters. But maybe the (perfectly normal) extra added time was because of their colour? It's a very interesting read.

Now that's over. We need to look forward to our rather tough home game against Wolfsburg midweek. Grafite certainly, needs to be stopped from doing this.

This blog has been brought to you by;
  • Wondering if Sampdoria are good enough to challenge for Serie A.
  • Yum-Yums.
  • Wondering what other football players look like muppets. Mick McCarthy does look like Sam the Eagle.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

#21 - Joy

As the red half of Manchester will be falling asleep with a huge grin on itself and for the first time since the last derby win, actually looking forward to work. The blue half (pictured) will be having sleepless nights and shouting "it was only 4 minutes added time, ref!".

This I feel I need to address first. I have a feeling this will be the biggest argument heard from City fans for the next year. Now. Firstly, there's a reason the announcer always says "a minimum of x minutes added time". This a minimum. People hopefully don't believe that by some bizarre circumstance every time the referee adds on time during stoppages in the match it doesn't miraculously end up being an exact minute. This is just the minute they put on the boards. It could well have been 4 minutes, 59 seconds and was rounded down. We don't know. Now, I have that goal put down as 95:28. So, let's say by some strange coincidence it was exactly 4 minutes that the referee had as added time. That leaves 1 and 28 seconds. Bellamy's goal scored in the 89th minute, with play not resuming until the 91st minute as well as the substitution for Michael Carrick to come on (which correct me if I'm wrong, I believe adds 30 seconds) more than covers it. Phew. Let's carry on.

The game itself was rather exciting. What was a pretty even first half with a dire Ben Foster mistake letting Carlos Tevez (with the way the commentators talked of his closing down it was as if no other play ever closes down, only Tevez does it. He invented closing down.) pass into Gareth Barry to score. In the first minute Rooney put us ahead. Second half was all United besides the two Bellamy goals. 79% possession and what should have been a Berbatov hatrick. Then in the 95th minute, sheer ecstasy as Michael Owen makes us completely forget he ever played for Liverpool (did he? Didn't someone just make that up as a joke?) by scoring a huge goal and celebrating like a nut. Quite a relief really. Especially since Sir Alex, Ben Foster and Nemanja Vidic this week all knocked City's title bid.

The good news doesn't stop there. Craig Bellamy, the essence of calm, was snapped punching or pushing very hard with his hand in a fist shape the face of a fan. Mark Hughes (who seems to have become deluded with wealth) tried to defend the actions by comparing it something Brian Clough did with a fan many years earlier. Brian Clough also fired two tea ladies for laughing after a defeat. It does not mean Craig Bellamy can fire tea ladies either. Mark Hughes really is going a bit off the boil accusing life long Manchester United fan Gary Neville of "over celebrating". Hm. I wonder who's player has been in a row of celebrating lately, Mark? Sparky also invented a penalty claim of Patrice Evra apparently fouling Carlos Tevez.

On a related note, did anyone see Patrice Evra boo as he promised?

More good news! Book maker William Hill lost approximately £1,000,000 due to Michael Owen's late winner. They then issued a statement that makes them sound very bitter. How fitting.

In less interesting (but still good) news...

Park Ji-Sung has extended his stay until 2012. Which if you're stupid, is apparently when the world will end. The Mayan calender is not a suitable use for determining the life expectancy of the world. These are the same people who tore out children's hearts as a sacrifice.

Now then. Next up is the Reserves' Carling Cup 3rd round tie against Mick McCarthy's Wolves. And until then let's gloat.

This blog has been brought you by;
  • Ignoring our shambolic defending.
  • Finding every piece of Manchester United memorabilia I own and strapping it to myself to walk around Manchester with tomorrow.
  • The Michael Owen fan club.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

#20 - Rage

After a match that didn't quite serve up entertainment like our match against Spurs. We left Besiktas with a win, and 3 very good points away from home in a very tough climate thanks to Paul Scholes' very clever headed finish.

If anyone at all is worried about Wayne Rooney (pictured) and his temperment then they shouldn't be. Although he has matured a huge amount since he joined us way-back-when he of course still has his hot streak. And giving some stick to Turkish fans (maybe it was polite conversation?) and throwing down his boot in anger next a very worried looking Fabio isn't really much but a refreshing display of passion. Thankfully, since Wayne Rooney is english we will not be getting any headlines like "Rooney wants out to Real Mardid". Every time Cristiano Ronaldo did a sulk it was essential the same thing but no one blew it over quite so easily.

In spite of our win for this week at least, we sit second in our group due to Wolfsburg's impressive 3-1 win over CSKA. Although essentially now if we get 3 home wins we're home and try and through to the last 16.

Sir Alex Ferguson has tipped Paul Scholes to continue to play forever. Which is good news of course. With Ryan Giggs also set to play until the end of time as well only AC Milan can look on in envy of our experienced stars. Expect a £50m bid from Milan for Ryan Giggs in about 3 years.

Patrice Evra (still, why not a chant for him?) has continued to be a legend again. Saying that he'd boo (old best friend) Carlos Tevez with the United fans. Paddy Evra probably has more love for this club than some of our homegrown players.

David Silva is apparently going to leave Valencia sometime soon according to the press just because he said the ol' phrase "things can change in the future". But either way, we must be over that like flies over poo-poo. If not, I will start by own club and put in a bid for him.

Craig Cathcart as joined Watford on loan until january. Nothing to see here...

Does anyone else find it strange that English international Owen Hargreaves will not be counted as a home grown player under the new Premier League rules? True he hasn't been trained in England but he is (essentially) English.

So. Most importantly next up is Manchester City at home this sunday. City may well be without Robinho, Tevez and Adebayor. We may well be without Rio Ferdinand. Ben Foster will still having ringing in his ears after "not being able to think" due to the noise in Turkey.

Besides that though, we've still got a great team in what will be one of the most hotly contested Mancunian derbies in years. I'm practically on the edge of my seat already. Or so Sky Sports would want me to be.

This blog has been brought you by;
  • Thinking Flavio Briatore was just really clever for making Nelson Piquet Jr. crash in Singapore.
  • Still not caring about the UEFA Cup... uh... Europa League.
  • Trying to think of a catchy chant for Paddy Evra.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

#19 - Entertainment

After a dull week of international football. We've finally had some entertainment, as we usually get anytime we play Spurs.

Rio Ferdinand (
pictured) returned in what was an excellent performance despite Jermaine Defoe's early over head kick. Excellent Ryan Giggs' free kick was a beauty to behold. Then in something that is less likely then Derren Brown *actually* finding a system for the lottery numbers, Anderson scored his first official goal for us. Paul Scholes' classic style of tackling (i.e. not tackling) earnt him a yellow card, before doing nothing earnt him a second one. Still though, unless you take the delightful job in counting the players on the pitch then you wouldn't have noticed United were down to ten men at all. Except, annoyingly enough a small red blip under United's name on the ESPN scoreboard. Totally distracting and annoying, I hope you agree. United's dominace continued as Wayne Rooney rapped up the points in impressive style.

A great win for us all especially with such a tough away fixture after an international break, putting us up in to second place. Although since it's not December yet, positions don't mean anything. Just ask Hull City this time last year.

In other news, Le Havre are still piping on about Paul Pogba, FIFA and Mickey Mouse contracts. With blatant disregard for what superbly named Paul Pogba wants and the fact that really this media love-in for Under-18s moving club is a minor fad. In Florence, a city full of style they don't want to be behind with the fads and they too are jealous of United's pulling power and looking to complain to FIFA about us taking (poaching, stealing, whatever) also excellently named Michele Fornasier.

Remember back in the ninties when everyone was crazy for enchroachment? Pass backs? Rules that hardly anyone tends to care about anymore. This happens alot in football. Much like bungs and tapping up, which everyone knows happens, but everyone just shushes about it and hopes Sepp Blatter continues devising new methods of getting the
womans' football teams to strip for him personally.

On other news, "What accent is that?" Owen Hargreaves is on his way back... probably. Given the nod (although this blogger imagines no nods were actually used in this transaction) in the Champions League squad ahead of de Laet and Tosic, Hargo could make the last 3 games. Presuming he does do, has no further set backs, and returns to his earlier form he could be a superb assest for the rest of the season.

Ben Foster looked superb again today but don't tell Ignor Akinfeev, who wants to play for us. Definitely better than Tomasz Tomasz. The man who's name you wish you could use in scrabble. Though would he really be worth it with Edwin Van Der Sar seemingly the basis for Dorian Gray?

This blog has been brought you by;
  • Wondering if Anderson has ever really shat on Fabgras?
  • Trying to get within Derren Brown's circle of friends.
  • Looking forward to the Champions League.