Wednesday, 28 July 2010

#39 - All-Star

So, a 5-2 to hurrah over the MLS "All-Stars" (pictured [pick out Landon Donovan]) has changed many fans "Will they make it?" bickering about the young fledglings around. An example if there ever needed to be one of the inconsistency that almost all young players suffer. Before the game, after the 2-1 defeat by Kansas City Wizards. Yes, that's their real name. Many fans went ape-shit crazy believing all the young starlets to be no good. Now of course, they're bloody brilliant. Until that is, they're no good again.

Still, perception is needed, and although Kiko Macheda opened with an excellent finish after 22 seconds(!) - pouncing on a loose pass before sliding under the goalkeeper. We do need to remind ourselves that this All-Star goalkeeper is Donovan Ricketts. The closest Donovan Ricketts gets to an all star is with a pair of Converse.

It was though, a good game for goals and youngsters. Although Darron Gibson isn't exactly young at 22. These days you need to have won the Goldenboot at 14 before you're considered a wonderkid. Gibson smashed in a excellent freekick on the 70 minute mark. Most-likely-out-on-loan-but-looking-good Tom Cleverely scored possibly the best of the goals, after catching on to Fletchers flicked pass, he himself flicked the ball over excellently named "all-star" defender Wiman Conde Jr. before smashing the ball home with his right foot. Yes, it was a clever finish. Then game Chicarito's turn when another Fletcher ball set him through one on one with the keeper and he kept his cool lobbing from distance.

Of course, this is still pre-season and we shouldn't be getting excited about anything but the performance was a huge improvement after the defeat to the Kansas City Wizards. The Wizards incidently considering a team rename. I suggest Kansas City City. Or Kansas No-Not-the-Band-of-the-Same-Name.

In some more Youth action, the U18s failed to win a third Milk Cup in a row. A third Cravendale Milk Cup is almost certainly rewarded by the Golden Udder and the chance to keep the Milk Cup in trophy cabinet until it gets all sour and smelly. I have no more to say besides United youngster Donald Love is my new favourite player, purely based on name. I assume he's a mixture of Donald Draper and Dude Love. Although this almost certainly not true.

The Reserves scraped a win over Oxford United. Argh, just go read the ever-excellent United Youth blog already. Even if the name "United Youth" sounds like some sort of ultra right-wing Christian summer camp.

In older news, it's still hilarious that Manchester City named their Reserve side the Elite Squad. The Elite Squad, who are in fact not the Elite Squad until they are the first team, have declared they are in no way affiliated with Blazin' Squad, Police Squad or the J.O.B. Squad.

In some sort of horrible desperation I tried to find an interesting transfer rumour involving United. There are none. Not even on Tribal Football! It gets bad when even people who make up transfer rumours refuse to do so because they know your club is skint.

In uninteresting transfer rumours, Anders Lindegaard has been linked with a switch to Old Trafford, and wherever else. Don't even think of looking at Wikipedia because you don't know who is, neither does anyone else outside of Denmark and Norway. Lindegaard has been dubbed the "new Peter Schmeichel" as I assume anyone in Demark is dubbed aslong as they catch something and most importantly are not already Peter Schmeichel.

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Monday, 19 July 2010

#38 - Return

What the? What the god damn hell is this? A blog?

So what's happened since I last posted (pictured)? Well it would take a very long to go through it all, especially since I've already forgotten most of what has happened so I'll try anyway:


And that's how it will always be remembered. Now back to the present day.

Mario Ballotelli is being constantly linked with a move to a club in Manchester. Whether it's ourselves or City is another thing entirely. Hopefully he'll go to City where he can continue his role as constant thorn in the side of squad harmony. He was stopped in Milan by police for showing a cap gun out his car window. He'll soon learn about what a gun is if he tries that in any of the rough areas (most of the areas) near Eastlands.

More rumours ahoy, of course, and the usual suspects continue.

In fact, here's a shortlist of players we have been linked with because people are bored, and who we will not sign because we have no money:

Mario Ballotelli, Wesley Sneidjer, Luis Fabiano*, Joe Cole (obviously), Angel di Maria (obviously), Joao Moutinho (obviously), Raul, Jack Rodwell, Steven Jovetic, Raul Meireles, David de Gea, Alexis Sanchez, Bruno Alves, Mesut Ozil, Philip Lahm, Thomas Muller, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Manuel Neuer, David Hasselhoff, Franz Beckenbauer, and Herr Deutchsland o Bratwurst und Deutsch verschiedenen Stereotypen.

*who started his own rumours then signed for Sevilla and was proud of himself for crushing the rumours.

Matty James has unsurprisingly gone on loan to Preston North End. Where absolutely every other United reserve will soon be heading on loan until Ole Gunnar is left managing some 8 year olds. Except Danny Welbeck who seems to be going on loan to Sunderland where he'll sit on a bench waiting for Bent or Jones to get injured.

Of course there's even more fun into be had in rumours of players leaving Old Trafford. Nemanja Vidic, who was going to leave in 2007 is still being linked with a move away. Unlike Ronaldo when we all knew it was his dream to move to Real Madrid. All anyone really knows about Vidic's so called "desire to leave" is that his wife might not like Manchester all that much. Not sure why - Manchester is brilliant, we've got... er... Old Trafford, and er... er... a Hard Rock Cafe, and er... er... that's not the point!

Sky Sports produced a major lack of pun fun when running Danny Drinkwater's quotes about wanting to prove himself at United and nowhere mentioning that he was "thirsty for success".

So that's my post done, and part of my public service over.

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