Sunday, 7 November 2010

#45 - Resurrection

Many may not know this but back in my day there was a strong brave player called Owen Hargreaves (pictured - old game covers a current theme). He had curly hair made of tungsten and breathed fire out of his mouth. He had 17 different accents which he used simultaneously, whilst still managing to sound a bit like Ryan Giggs. He was everyone's favourite England player, which made sense since he's a Canadian. And his Dad is from Bolton. Which means half of his body is made up of pasties. Probably his knees. And on the Saturday he was briefly resurrected.

Manchester United had come off a 3-2 away win to Rochdale. Wait? What? Nevermind.

Manchester United had come off a 3-0 away win to Bursaspor. Which is maybe Turkey's Rochdale. Obertan, Bebe, and *thick scottish accent* DARREN FLETCHAR! scoring the 3 goals in what was a relatively easy win and pretty much all but puts us through into the group stages.

Sam the Eagle's Wolverhampton Wanderers have been tricky opponents to ourselves in the Carling Cup as well as Chelsea earlier in the league and this game was no different.

Fortunately we have Ji-Sung Park, recipient of the 2010 Award for Most Slagged Off United Player Not Called John O'Shea or Darron Gibson or Despite Not Being at the Club Anymore, Mikael Silvestre. An award mostly won by Mikael Silvestre anyway. It was Park's late, late winner that gave us the 3 points so we could put our feet up and watch Chelsea play dire against Liverpool. Who were nice enough to do us the favour they should have done for us last season. Swines.

Of course all the talk of the match is the 5 minute cameo of Owen Hargreaves. In which not much really happened but his knees didn't implode on pitch as many had noticed. And unlike my earlier prediction his knees weren't transplanted with those of a gazelle. Still, I have a better made up rumour count then

It will no doubt strike many as odd that Hargo Embargo was thrown into the mix from the start without any reserve team football. It worked on Football Manager but probably not in real life, as we saw.

Bebe probably made the front page of the Daily Mail.. I mean Daily Heil.. no wait, Daily Mail. No actually, it is definitely called the Daily Heil, isn't it? That makes the most sense. Anyway as Bebe failed to score 9 goals in one of his first Premier League start we're all 100% sure he is a waste of money and we should throw him on the street so he can get beg me for money whilst I queue outside for a gig at Manchester Academy and have to remain very still in fear of him hearing the mass amount of change in my pockets jingle as I tell him "No, I don't have any money". In all due fairness, I'm not often at Academy.

Now we can all look forward to Wednesday's match against Bitter City. Who despite being able to beat West Brom aren't looking like whatever hyper bole Gary Cook gave them whenever. You know what I mean. He says lots of stupid stuff. Mario Balotelli could be out after his straight red, but probably not. That's how much sense the FA make.

Still seeing Tevez score before a Darren Fletcher brace, another Tevez goal and then a Chicharito winner should be fun for a wednesday evening in.

In genuinely great news, Antonio Valencia could be back as early as the end of February.

What's a Wayne Rooney?

This blog has been brought to you by;
  • Being too anxious to make my return after my last post was so long ago.
  • A burning rage against Northern Rail.
  • Looking forward to seeing The Riot Before play at the Oxford.


  1. Brilliant stuff (as usual)
    Was really looking forward to your take on the 6minute return of the Curly Haired one!

  2. Here's a Post(cost me a Bob-omb)

    "........Still, I have a better made up rumour count then" Freakin' Hilarious!!.So was the rest of the post,I think (didn't read all of it....internet usage charged by the second...need to be 'thrifty'...saving up to do some online betting...500 pesos on a Silvestre OG)

  3. Silvestre OG? Only a Dunne or Carragher OG could be a safer bet!

    A Fishbulb penalty conceded could also win some pesos.

    Glad you used your money wisely =)

  4. Really enjoyable.

    Hey man is there a way of getting in touch with you besides a public comment? Would you be interested in a weekly or fortnightly column on my wesbite?

  5. Just hit you up on the Twitter now!