#1 - The Pilot

A.K.A. The one where Oceanic 815 crashes.

In the top 2 of all it-was-going-to-happen-eventually transfers. The other being Eric Djemba-Djemba's obvious transfer to Odense Boldklub. Should that be Boldklub? Real Madrid finally signed unknown Portuguese winger Cristiano Ronaldo (pictured) for £80,000,000. That is 4/5s of Newcastle United. Of course, this will get more media coverage than the second coming of Christ would, assuming there was a first. If it wasn't for the bottom bar of Sky Sports News, with all the coverage it was getting you would simply assume Ronaldo was dead. Ronaldo now joins Kaka in a team with no defence that will finish 2nd again behind Barcelona.

Rumours a plenty of course to where that £80m is going. David Villa? Franck Ribery? Antonio Valencia? Karim Benzema? Moritz Volz? I have no idea who it'll be spent on because I don't have "sources".

Still. I think it's only fair to get past the Ronaldo commotion and onto other news.

More rumours a plenty linking Nani with a move back to Sporting Clube de Portugal. Not Sporting Lisbon. No, not on this blog anyway. Either on loan, or as a swap for Joao Moutinho. Or any other ideas the media think will seem like a likely story. Of course, Nani deserves another season, where he could perhaps get into a redivivus spell of form. Redivivus is Dictionary.com's Word of the Day. I learned today.

In older news, animal lovers - rejoice. United are almost certain to have successfully revived the Dodo from extinction.

Carlos Tevez's transfer saga probably also had some sort of new change, but no one cares anymore.

Internationals. Now there's another subject. Which is so long and tedious I don't want to write about it. Though I will leave you with a very strange comparison.

Is Diego Maradona the Argentine answer to Alan Shearer?

This blog is brought to you by;

• The soothing sounds of Colin Hay.
• Sky Sports News' epitah of Cristiano Ronaldo's United career.
• The need to feel constructive without getting a real job or doing anything that involves effort.